Don’t get me wrong. I’m not some privacy conspiracy theorist. I have nothing to hide (kind of). I will trade private data for information like a blind lemming going over Mt. Everest. Especially if the wonderful Internet machine delivers me information or offers or entertainment that I really like. Unfortunately, it’s not really working out like that. Instead of getting news about a new Sun Ra album coming in to a record store I’ve never heard of that’s just six miles from my home, I get more Facebook feeds alerting me to the wonders of Bonobos. Instead of getting an update on a new Indian restaurant that has hand made mango chutney and a reasonable all you can eat curry lunch, I get more news about Bonobos. Instead of big brother telling me about a cheap flight to a great family vacation spot in Martinique, you get it — Bonobos.
The Facebook has become like watching Days of Our Lives in 1982. Full of ads for stuff I hate. That makes me hate both The Facebook and Days of Our Lives.
And makes me wonder how much more I’m going to be willing to open my kimono wide to every data mining pirate out there who has the galleons to buy, beg, or steal my clicks?
Can they just toss me something that is remotely relevant — news, say, of a free-form uke jam session at a bar with single malt whisky?
Oh, and by the way, what is a Bonobo?
Miracle Whip is a product with troubles. It tastes weird. Always has. It ain’t Hellman’s Mayo. BUT — if you are the agency charged with working on it…WHO CARES??? You have a job to do. Make this stuff palatable, at least in the mind. And whoever is working for it is doing a pretty darn nice job — especially in the much maligned medium of radio. They are breaking some new ground using a kind of wry, kind of Patton Oswalt/This American Life humor approach. Dry. Deadpan. Channeling a sort of Gen X person having an imagined dialogue with some French Fries. Very engaging — and even more delightful for me, well cast, well written. And then they top it with a refreshing line, “From the Twisted Minds of Miracle Whip.” I like. It is twisted. And since they acknowledge it, I might accept that it is a funky tasting alternative to Mayo. So I go to their website, to see if the fun continues there — AND IT DOESN’T!! It looks like a corporate site!! It links to a Facebook page (of course!) that has some kind of unconnected video. I’m sorry, I don’t have the time!!! And worst of all, IT HAS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT TAG LINE. “Keep and Open Mouth.” Not a bad line. But why two of them??? I am confused, as a consumer. And as someone far smarter than me once said, “people don’t study your ads.” So, you do all this good positioning and creative work, and then you shoot yourself in the foot???
Oh well, half-right (or should I say half-write) is better than nothing.
Or is it???
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