Groupon C.E.O. — A buck three eighty to try to be the greatest turnaround master in business history (Up to $86.7 Gazillion Dollar Value!)

Value: $86.7 Gazillion Dollars
Discount: 145,356%
You Save: $8.75


Running a highly leveraged, highly tanking dot com darling can certainly give you sweaty palms. But unless those numbers are going North those palms are going to be devoid of dollars. So why not apply to be the next C.E.O. of Groupon?

Want some fun? How about taking a site that has pounded local retailers, and saddled them with scores of one time bottom fishers, and try to bring in new retailers to the fold? How about trying to save a business model built on strictly US first world problems, like, “Honey, now can we do that skydiving/windsurfing/nailpainting adventure we’ve always wanted because we can get it at a 64% discount?,” and peddling it to French people? In French? In France? How about trying to make more money than some appliance stores in Manhattan (privately held at that) instead of being the next global phenom?
Starting another online store is a tough one — even with discounts. Amazon has a big jump on you, especially in terms of inventory and fulfillment and customer service. And ask anyone in the retail game about trying to make Gazillions from the penny thin margins in retail? There is, of course, the option of studying, listening, and teasing out emotional — MEANING — truths from your prospective customers in the US and around the world. But that would mean LISTENING to people who may very well not be talking your language — and I don’t mean just French or German or Swahili here. I mean what they need to get in their lives and how they can find it.
In short, fixing Groupon is no daily deal. It’s a customer deep dive, a rejigger of the machinery, and a bold, slash and burn way forward. To keep creating the future over and over again. Like Walt Disney did back in the 30’s and 40’s and 50’s.
Still interested in becoming C.E.O.?